“But little by little as you left those voices behind… there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, determined to do the only thing you could do — determined to save the only life you could save.”
— Mary Oliver, The Journey
That line above from the great Mary Oliver lands differently today than when I first encountered it on a Jesuit retreat several years ago.
In my earlier seasons of life, I listened to a chorus of voices, many which were genuinely noble. Mentors who pushed me to succeed on Wall Street and who challenged me to grow professionally. And of course, those inner and outer voices always calling me to provide first and foremost for my family. I am grateful for all of them.
But in the transition to those second and third quarters of life, those well-intentioned voices got crowded out by others like the fear of failure; my ego; comparing myself to others; an incessant need for approval; and old narratives that no longer aligned with the person I was trying to become.
Oliver’s poem names this dilemma precisely. “Mend my life, each voice cried” and for years, I tried to comply.
I realize now that I cannot fix every relationship, repair every misunderstanding, or rescue every person I love and there is real grief in finally having to accept that.
But Ignatian discernment has taught me to pay more attention to the interior movements of the heart and those feelings of consolation and desolation.
And to ask with greater openness and intention — What is God whispering to me in the silence? What burdens and disordered attachments can He help me release?
St. Ignatius called that “interior freedom” — the ability to choose what leads to deeper love and to walk more truthfully, rather than what simply preserves my image, my sense of control, or my comfort.
I have sat with enough people in grief to know that their deepest regret is rarely what they failed to accomplish — it is the life they never fully lived.
Each of us is entrusted with one precious life and saving that life may mean saying no more often, loving more intentionally, and listening more carefully to the quiet voice of God’s spirit within us.
And, as Oliver reminds us, our journey continues until God calls each of us home.
So How About You?
- Which voices no longer feel aligned with who you are becoming?
- What attachment or old script might God be gently inviting you to let go of?
- What would it look like to live your next chapter with greater intention?
Wishing you God’s abundant grace to hear whatever He is calling you toward, Dr. K
#executivecoaching #careercoaching #spiritualcoaching #griefcoaching
